Recently I was sitting with a friend of mine, Marley, we were having lunch. Catching up with each other and talking about the new happenings in our lives. Just as our salads were delivered she started telling me about her new romantic relationship. She explained that this guy was it! He was everything she wanted, everything that she looked for in a partner. Marley had thought about having a love like this for so long, and it was absolutely fabulous seeing her so happy! The part that stuck out in my mind was that she has been friends with this guy for a long time and she couldn’t understand why she didn’t get together with him before now. He was, “right in front of her face the whole time.” At least that’s how she put it. I probed a little more and found out that while she was always looking for that “nice guy” whenever she was lonely she would go back to her ex-boyfriend. I mean, there is nothing wrong with just passing some time, right?
Since she asked me for my opinion, I shared it with her. I could see she was in a different place now, a different place than she had been in for the past year. She was carrying herself differently. She seemed happier, content with her life, not waiting for that relationship to come to her.
I also explained that while she kept going back to her ex, just to pass the time, she was holding up her future from coming to her. That’s the obvious thing, not releasing something from your life to clear space for something else to come to you. The not so obvious thing is that the reason we keep going back to the familiar, the comfortable, is because we haven’t learned our lesson yet. No matter how bad we want to move forward and get rid of the past, we will keep going back to the same type of situation until we learn what we need to. Whatever lesson Marley was supposed to learn about herself, was not finished and that’s why she kept returning to the same past relationship.
There is no reason to be frustrated with yourself either, there is no reason to get mad at yourself for learning something, even if you learn it slower than you would have preferred. Everything is a learning experience, we are continually growing. So when she told me that she was frustrated with herself for not recognizing him when he was in front for her face, I told her she couldn’t see him. So it wasn’t her fault! What I mean by that is that you can never let go of something fully before you have learned what you need to to from it. We will always have an attachment to something until we learn our lesson. In my friends case, the lesson she was to learn from her ex was not achieved yet, that is why she always went back to him. And until it is learned, what she wants will be invisible to her.
Another good thing to know is that you should never consider anyone a waste of time or a pointless relationship, things always have a reason for entering our lives. I reminded her that every relationship is about ourselves, the other person is only an acting teacher. So follow your gut, follow your feelings, be patient with yourself, you will learn what you need to when you need to. And after that happens you will know that you have learned a lesson because you will carry yourself differently, you will feel lighter, you will be more open to love.
Jennifer is the owner or Sparkle Yoga, please ask her any question regarding a relationship with another person or even your relationship with yourself. Please find the
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